hey cass .
yes this is directed to you, DADDY.

you're right .
serves me right . yadayadayada .
hohoho .
blame me if you want to .
i dont give a fuck .

but, back off from my friends .
especially ting .
you got a problem with her ..
you come to me .. and i will deal with you .
she doesnt need crap from you .
and you're arent that big -_-"

this is my counter to you .

you cried and cried .
listen to your friends .
share your troubles with your girlfriends .
but then again, its in the norm -_-
which girl .. after a break up .
doesnt do that ? hmm ?

you dont know the real reason why i let him go ..
lols . probably, you never will .
cos right now, you're feeling biased towards this .
so your opinion towards things,
erm .. how shall i put it ..
it's quite a dud .

however,
i applaud you ,
for sticking around and waiting .
i thank you ,
for the time you talked to me .
i congratulate you ,
when you wanted to move on with edward or whoever .

but ..
what you did to yourself ..
is what pushed him away .
you tell me then.
which damned human,
in this whole fucking universe ..
can keep seeing you hurt yourself over and over again ??
can endure the pain you put yourself through ??
can watch you waste your life away,
and all they can do is blame themselves ??
TELL ME LA !!

its okay to be weak . its okay to cry .
its okay to give in . its okay to break down .

but, dont you think ..
you're too feeble ?
you're too needy ?

putting up a front and act so much .
everyone can see through it you know ..
a few times, people can symphathise with you ..
but everyday ..
again and again ..
like a broken record ?

sometimes i really wonder ..
did you even try to make yourself happy ?

lols . even when i was your friend for a short while .
i already cannot tahan you and your moodswings .
the one time, i could actually get along with you ..
it is because of ting .
that's why you became my "daddy"

you can diss me .
you can scold me .
you can hit me .
but .. never .. ever ..
direct your fcuked up anger on ting !
all she is doing is what she thinks is right ..
im sorry she helped me .
for cripe's sake .
i didnt know she was helping me til yesterday .
-_______-

even if ting didnt help me,
i wouldnt blame her .
if she helped you,
i'll tell her to do her best .

im not like you .
i will never be like you .
you say like you put everyone's feelings before you .
and you always have to give in ..
but is it really ?

dont make yourself sound so pathetic can ?
you, me and ting know that
you are way better than this ..
i urge you la .
with God's will ,
grab whatever dignity you have left and really try .
really try to get your true happiness .

you can share your joy with buddies .
and of course, misery loves company.
but dont depend on someone for happiness .

who knows ..
you might love your new self more .
you still got a long way to go .
you still got time to grow up .

ting told me this once .
just being myself would be sufficient for anything .
and i'd like to say that to you .
but ..
there arent alot of people who can take your moodswings .
i , cant take it . never will .
you do that to me, and i will blast you til kingdom come .
i havent lost my temper in a super long while .
and i have no intention on doing it to you .

as for emo-ing ?
hahahas .
if you ask me,
i'd avoid you like a plague .
who likes to be around a mass of dread .. ?

you were happy with him and now you only remember about
the sweet times you shared ,
all the promises made ,
all the memories created ,
the nights you stayed up together .

but do you remember how much your actions hurt the both of you ?
do you remember all the fights ?
do you remember the pain ?
do you want to relieve that again ?

even if you dont, or conveniently 'forget' ..
i still remember the pain he went through ..
i dont want to see that happen to him ..
he doesnt deserve it .. at least i believe he doesnt ..

im not saying that whenever he's with me ..
he is always happy and without worries ..
that is just plain absurd .
lols . even if i lie to myself , that is beyond impossible .

ohh .
and you said that ..
all the hurt and shit is still there ..
and i still can blahblahblah .

but dearie,
you think the hurt between you and him is gone ?
oh please ..
what you are saying to me ..
still returns back to you my dear .

so just stop being a kid, cut that out .
& you're better off moving on .

what im doing right now with him
is trying things out for a while..
to see if we can still be together or there is really no hope ..
i decided what im going to do with both outcomes ..
and the result of it ..
only time will tell ..

i still have 26 hours with him ..
to see how things goes ..
let's see what happens shall we ..?

- SHAA